Himglish and Femalese Life Lessons Derived from a Hit Teen Film

Yes: I went to see New Moon at the cinema. I am mildly embarrassed. But I also found that it was full of teachable relationship-related moments. Herewith:

1. Have some hobbies and interests besides your relationship. Bella (the  protagonist, if you’re amongst the few people who’ve managed to avoid this franchise) has no discernable hobbies or interests besides being enamoured with her glittery vampire boyfriend Edward. Thus, when he leaves, she is so bereft she pretty much sits in the same chair for fourth months and looks really peaky. I believe this is meant to be a demonstration of her abject devotion to Edward (perhaps appealing to the target demographic of 16-year-old girls), but to me it just proved the importance of making sure that no matter how intense and loving and lovely your relationship, it should not become the only thing of importance in your life, because if it ends - or even dips, and every relationship dips now and then - you can end up feeling rather adrift.

2. Don’t exploit other people’s feelings to make yourself feel better. Following the departure of the glittery vampire boyfriend and the four-month depression, Bella starts hanging out with Jacob, a teenage boy-slash-werewolf. Jacob is very (somewhat pathetically) open about his devotion to Bella; although she states that’s she not available, she also sends him a lot of mixed signals - and takes advantage of his affection for her, perhaps in part because she has no hobbies or interests beyond, well, being worshipped by men. Anyway. We’ve all been in those situations of being the object of some unrequited love - that’s not something to be ashamed of - but when you become aware of it, as Bella clearly is, the kindest thing to do is not, as some people think, to allow the person to go on loving you (it’s very painful for them) but rather to give them the physical and emotional space they need to get over you. Otherwise they may turn into a werewolf and have a fight with your glittery vampire boyfriend. Or something.

3. Beware of partners who test your devotion by leaving you. Whether you are going out with a glittery vampire or a regular person, beware of getting in to patterns where conflicts are solved with a breakup, following with you prostrating yourself (or flying to Italy to save your ex from sacrificing himself in a strange vampire ritual) until you attain forgiveness so that you get back together. Edward tells Bella they have to split up (he’s worried that she will be killed by another, meaner vampire) and this drives her to do all sorts of mad things to risk her life and therefore demonstrate how desperate she is without him. Then he agrees (in his troubled, glittery way) to take her back, but his tendency to do ghoulish frowns makes it clear that it is but a temporary resolution. This is not to say that you can’t get back together after a breakup, but for the reconciliation to be successful it’s very important that you both work through the problem that drove you apart in the first place (e.g. he’s a vampire, you’re not) rather than getting swept up in the wonderment of being reunited (it feels so good) only to find yourselves stymied again by the problem that is still there.