February 2010
3 posts
“Out last week drinking champagne with three dazzling blonde women – it is the...”
– (via gauntlet)
How very odd - I thought that Rod Liddle was not going to be the editor of the Independent after all.
Anyway, in case you are interested in a countering opinion by someone whose view of the world is not lodged in the 1950s, here is my advice for women on how to make men marry them:
...
“…when women sat with men they ate rabbit food or other meals “of...”
– Brain food: why single women eat salad | Science | The Guardian
This doesn’t surprise me at all - I, too, have fallen victim to this syndrome, feeling nervous about having a meal with a man I’m trying to impress and thus politely refusing dessert. What a shame! If you’re with...
“According to the most recent CDC data, for women, “higher age of marriage...”
– What Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him gets wrong about successful single women. - By Jessica Grose - Slate Magazine This excellent and well-researched review of Lori Gottlieb’s MARRY HIM by Jessica Grose will be heartening for anyone who thinks they must make a conscious effort to dial down...
January 2010
3 posts
Himglish and Femalese: Just Ask. →
Now, easier than ever to submit your pressing relationship questions!
“I would like to believe that this is a function of being young and naive and...”
– Let’s Do the Two-Step Monogamy Shuffle Again! - Dating - Gawker
I’ve been thinking about writing a post about this very phenomenon: how the fact that men and women are allowed to be friends (yay!) sometimes results in you going on an ambigudate (or even a not-ambigu one) with someone...
Cheesy New Year's headline goes here (or, JHE's...
Happy 2010, dear readers. I hope you have had a nice break and the holidays did not prove to be too much of a strain on your relationships - despite the fact that, as one wise friend of mine remarked, they are like ‘being caught in an avalanche of festivity and emotional chaos’. If things did go a bit pear-shaped for you and your other half over the holidays, I recommend that you not...
December 2009
13 posts
“It’s sad I didn’t realize we couldn’t even be friends until you told me I should...”
– Dear Old Love
Oh, here’s a rather good blog.
1 tag
JHE Solves Your Relationship Problems: Tell him,...
Dear Jean,
My older sister has been working in a bookshop for four years now and our family is very good friends with the family that own the bookshop. I’ve always “liked” the son of the bookshop owner, but over the past year I’ve become really friendly with this boy and come to realise that actually, I like him an awful lot.
My friends keep telling me that I should...
“Christmas - isn’t it romantic? As the song goes, “it’s the...”
– Handbag.com: Christmas relationship advice by JHE
“Feminism may have given women the inclination - and the power - to be as...”
– Why men can never forgive a wife’s affair… even though they’d expect YOU to forgive them | Mail Online
In today’s latest incisive Daily Mail critique of feminism, we learn that men can forgive themselves for cheating, but not their female partners. Oh, it seems they are...
“Being married to someone you respect for being somehow better than you keeps...”
– Modern Love - A Joint Account That Underwrites Our Marriage - NYTimes.com
For your Sunday reading, a lovely and sensitive essay on marriage.
“Besides, when you think about it, the but-she’s-beautiful thing is also, at its...”
– On the C.L.: Why Do Men Cheat on Beautiful Women? Let’s Talk About Tiger Woods, Part 597: Smitten: Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com
I don’t always look to Glamour.com for erudite views on relationships with a feminist angle, but this is rather good indeed.
In addition to it now being the most wonderful time of year to have an affair with your boss, ‘tis also the season for men to be criticised for not being very good at buying Christmas presents for their partners.
‘Without wanting to sound ungrateful’ writes Lindsay Nicholson, in an article in which she bemoans (among other things) the time her partner asked her for her shoe...
“In the past, British children have tended to leave home earlier than their...”
– More young adults in 20s and 30s living with parents than in past 20 years | Society | The Guardian
Now, I don’t want to get too judge-y here, because I am sure if my parents lived in London (they don’t) and were happy to have me live with them (we love each other a lot, but treasure...
Step away from the stationery cupboard
A helpful press release I received this morning entitled ‘Brits confess to unwrapping more than presents at Christmas’ brought to my attention the fact that it would now be timely for me to address that key seasonal romantic minefield: the office Christmas party (apparently, according to this research done by a condom manufacturer, 18% of Brits are having an affair with someone at work).
Here in...
Himglish and Femalese Life Lessons Derived from a...
Yes: I went to see New Moon at the cinema. I am mildly embarrassed. But I also found that it was full of teachable relationship-related moments. Herewith:
1. Have some hobbies and interests besides your relationship. Bella (the protagonist, if you’re amongst the few people who’ve managed to avoid this franchise) has no discernable hobbies or interests besides being enamoured with her...
“There’s a fine line between adorably quirky and freakish. The key to love...”
– I draw a profound conclusion during an impromptu online Himglish and Femalese advising session
November 2009
2 posts
BBC NEWS | Health | New warning on 'perfect... →
Of all the things in my book that made my father, Dadelstein, raise his excellently thick eyebrows (where did you thing I get ‘em?) it was the discussion of genital surgery that he actually felt the need to discuss with me in person. ‘Is this for real?’ he said, looking truly stricken. It is, indeed, awfully hard to stomach: the knowledge that literally thousands of British women...
Britons are ugly, dating website concludes - The... →
OH NO. This is not very encouraging news (sent to me by an eagle-eyed reader), but do not fret, British people: it could just indicate that those of you who are cute (and many of you are cute) do not feel the need to have it confirmed by a website.
And, in any case, you are totally hilarious.
October 2009
9 posts
“She peered at it on my BlackBerry screen. ‘No! He will have no idea you like...”
– LIZ JONES’S DIARY: In which I receive a BlackBerry kiss | Mail Online
Oh, Liz Jones, DON’T DO THIS TO YOURSELF. Although I suppose getting involved in this kind of excruciating correspondence is one way of generating many month’s worth of columns.
13 Tips for Single Dames →
Oh, it’s been quiet on my blogging front this week as I’ve been cruelly struck down by the ‘flu. Or something ‘flu-like. Anyway, enjoy these vintage dating tips and be pleased that there is no longer any imperative for you to adhere to them.
“Taken together, our results suggest that, although booty calls are mostly a...”
– Dr Peter Jonson, The ‘Booty Call’: A Compromise Between Men’s and Women’s Ideal Mating Strategies.
I spotted coverage of this study in the Metro on my way in to the office this morning (oh, the raised eyebrows on the lady next to me as I ripped it out with enthusiasm) and...
Working fathers want more time with their children... →
Himglish and Femalese isn’t all about dating, you know: it’s also about learning to live with the your other half when you’re well in to a relationship. This article notes that research shows that fathers, as well as mothers, are concerned about striking a work-life balance - but that this isn’t often recognised. Will doing so solve the documented imbalances in the way that...
JHE Solves Your Relationship Problems: Small World
Dear Jean,
I was wondering if you could advise on a sticky situation I seemed to have embroiled myself in - about a month ago I broke up with my boyfriend, and to try and get back out there, I was signed up to a certain dating website that helps you find love through friend recommendations. On there I began exchanging emails with , an engineer with a penchant for motown music. When he mentioned...
“Scientists say the hormones in the oral contraceptive suppress a woman’s...”
– Always so tiresome when the DM manages to put a sexist spin (‘women don’t like masculine men! oh no!) on an otherwise somewhat interesting story: rather interesting research out of the University of Sheffield about how hormones affect the laws of attraction.
What I want to know,...
Himglish and Femalese IN ACTION: on a plane
It was six o’clock in the morning; the airline was discount; I had been up since three and was maybe a little grumpy. I had, however, managed to secure a seat on the aisle,with an empty one between me and the next passenger.
Last on the plane was a group of three men about my age who hadn’t bothered to join the line but evidently decided just to stroll on at the end: their choice,...
“Neuroscientists and evolutionary psychologists have agreed that love is not just...”
– Love is a like a zoom lens | Christine Ottery | Comment is free | guardian.co.uk
September 2009
11 posts
To my female readers, this will likely not be a surprise: a recent survey based on data collected from the website OKCupid found women are not very receptive to approaches from men who initially remark on their physical appearance rather than their interests:
“Mentioning someone’s level of attractiveness decreased the likelihood of getting a response (for both men and women), though men were...
“Sex is a resource [women] hold that men do not. And we are very very clever and...”
– My consultant primatologist comments on this story, in the Guardian, on ‘why women have sex’.
“Millions of women drink alcohol before having sex because they lack confidence...”
– Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1215262/One-20-women-NEVER-sex-sober-lack-body-confidence.html#ixzz0RvvEhgT2
Now, I’ve joked in the past about the fact that sometimes it seems that sweetly reticent British people would never propagate their species without the...
Dear Google User Who Wonders, 'If You Get a Dog...
Probably. It certainly means it will be harder to leave without protracted negotiations. But if you have concerns or questions about the state or commitment of your relationship about which you are attempting to extrapolate answers through analysis of pet ownership, I also recommend that you consider having a conversation with your partner about it rather than trying to interpret the underlying...
It's not too late to 'pologise.
L’shana tova! It’s the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, a time of year when it is appropriate to eat apples and honey and challah (for a sweet new year) and brisket (if this was a blog about cooking advice, rather than relationship advice, I would tell you that I have lately learned that making brisket is great, but making it for 16 people without the aid of someone to wash the dishes...
The Greatest Near-Miss of All Because No One Was...
An insightful post from the Australian journalist Rachel Hills today, addressing what she perceives to be a trend in ‘Australian courtship’ - in essence, the maintenance of ‘plausible deniability’:
There is no need to ever acknowledge that once upon a time I liked you or you liked me. That she discreetly pretended not to notice the night he tried to kiss her, that he...
“I didn’t think I could travel with him because he is a Republican,” Ms. Ashley...”
– The New York Times, Vows: Beth Ashley and Rowland Fellows
A touching story that proves there’s little that love can’t overcome if you allow it to. Awwww.
On tapping the zeitgeist
(this is from my other, personal blog, but quite relevant to H&F, really)
jeanhannah:
As a writer, it is always nice to know that your work is speaking to audiences. Below find a list of search terms that brought people to this post on my blog in the last two months, indicating - I think - a significant, particular cultural anxiety…(click through for more)
4 tags
JHE Solves Your Relationship Problems: 'I still...
Dear Jean,
Some months ago my boyfriend left me for a friend of mine. We were living together but I have been abroad this past year (dealing with my father’s estate). Since we broke up, he has stayed living in the house I own, as I am still abroad. I recently learnt, however, that his father (who I dislike intensely) and his new girlfriend have recently moved into my house as well. I know I...
“I hate to say it, but you’re never going to get the guy until you simply let him...”
– I fear that Jordan Christy, the author of a new dating book published in the US that advocates positively retroactive behaviour (oh, how it makes me sigh with dismay), has confused men with cocker spaniels.
August 2009
14 posts
On holiday
Until next week for my brother’s wedding, at which I will not be reading an excerpt from Himglish and Femalese in the ceremony. But don’t think I didn’t volunteer. Back next week.
“Women: do you have a man? If you do, better beware. Chances are that some lone...”
– It’s true: all the taken men are best
Well. WELL. Here’s an interesting, revealing new study: remember all of those times you met some guy and thought, ‘meh,’ and then found out that he had a girlfriend and suddenly thought, ‘well, actually, maybe he is rather...
“You should be pleased he wanted your friendship and stop wasting your energy...”
– Mariella Frostrup, Observer Magazine, 16th August 2009 (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/16/dear-mariella-frostrup-relationships)
Oh, Mariella. Generally, I like Mariella: she is also from the ‘don’t be a jerk, to others or yourself’ school of relationship advice...
1 tag
JHE Solves Your Relationship Problems: Post-dated...
Dear Jean, My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, and we live together. He is still in touch with an ex-girlfriend, who I’ve met and who is always very nice to me and makes sure I don’t feel threatened by her. I also know that my boyfriend and her are just friends, and neither of them are the type to cheat, and my boyfriend is also a terrible liar, so I would...
'Ugh! You are so irritating and I wish you'd go...
There’s been quite a lot of feisty debate around the interwebs this week prompted by Laura R. Munson’s Modern Love column, in which she describes how she powered through her husband’s wobbling with regard to their marriage by opting to ignore the wobbling.
I said: “…There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you...
“More than a self-help book, Himglish and Femalese is a witty traipse through the...”
– Rachel Hills - Reviewed: Himglish and Femalese, by Jean Hannah Edelstein
“This sort of man reminds me of rose without a pefume. Nothingness. - mary,...”
– The men transforming into female hybrids (and dab hands at dusting) | Mail Online
Loving this hilariously existential French comment on this totally preposterous Mail article about how men who help their wives with the housework are emasculated (I assume the article must be a vintage piece from...